Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
