Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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