YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
