I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
