How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
pray to the hookup gods
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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