Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How naked do you want me to be?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
