I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
handjob tips. give me some.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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