There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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