I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
