Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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