I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
