can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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