i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
