your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
