I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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