I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
