if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
