We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
