The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
