I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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