i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
