As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
