You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
