whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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