i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
