We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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