i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
