there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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