I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm really busy with my period
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