we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
