But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
