I feel great
I just peed on a car
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
