I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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