YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
