He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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