its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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