anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I cut my penus on the lid.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
