she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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