Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
