I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
