I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
