I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
