im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
