He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm passing your future prison.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want her autograph on my taint
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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