I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
