Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
