You just made me feel so damn special
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
