He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
50% drunk capacity currently
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
