I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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