Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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