How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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