I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
