When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
