my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize