You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
