Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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