fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
