Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
