I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
