Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
