thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
