When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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