so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
