Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
