he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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