one two three fourrrrnication!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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