Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
